Confession Three

Don't you just hate when God is trying to tell you something? I mean, we all like to study stories like David and Goliath (though I'm sure Goliath is not a fan!), the story of Ruth, the parting of the Red Sea...but today, in Bible class, we continued discussing the "fruit of the flesh" in Galatians 5:19-20, which isn't a lot of scripture but packs a pretty fierce wallop. This is probably not a passage that shows up in most people's Top-Ten Favorites List. Now, I have been guilty of reading this passage with not just a mild amount of self-assurance that of course I couldn't possibly be guilty of such things as: adultery, fornication, sorcery, murders, etc. And, I praise God that by His grace, at this point, I am not. However, I seemed to have turned a blind eye to what God was trying to work in me because, as we studied today, words like jealousy, angry outbursts, selfish ambition, dissentions, and envy nearly jumped off the page and bit me on the arm!

Could it possibly be that when I HAVE to have my own way, I am killing the Spirit and feeding the flesh? Of course--but don't tell me that! In my mind, I am simply being "assertive" and asking for what I want! Now, don't get me wrong--there is nothing bad about having an opinion, or voicing it, or even debating its merit. But when my opinion (my comfort, my tradition, my preference) becomes more important than loving those around me, I think I've missed the boat. And, as I discovered today, I've missed it more than once (a day!). Of course, deep-down, I'm sure I've known about this for quite some time. Who wants to admit that while I talk about loving others, I discreetly (or not so much...) treat others better if they fall in line with my traditions, opinions, or preferences? Who wants to admit that I tend to devalue people if they choose a stand that is different from mine? God nudged me particularly hard on this one...and that's not even covering other things that trip me up: jealousy, envy, angry outbursts, selfish ambitions...

So, big surprise, I'm not perfect. (If only my husband knew that...) I really did (and do) know this--and it becomes more and more evident every day. I am thankful for God's poking and prodding in my life. I am so glad that He reminds me over and over that I desperately need Him, His Spirit, and His grace if I'm going to get through this tangle we call Life. I'm glad that He doesn't give up on me when I am blind and deaf to the truth about myself. I'm thankful that He, as I do with my own daughter, speaks over and over again, in the hope that one of these days I'll be ready to listen and get it right! And until that day, thankfully, I can continue to grow and mature within the safe confines of His abundant grace...